Dear Friend,
Let’s get this straight, I am veryyyyyyyy “sleepy” rn.
So I’m just going to get this out and then post it ASAP.
I have recently delved into the works of Edward Hopper, the American behind this popular painting:
No doubt you have seen it before. In fact you have probably seen a reel about what it means and signifies before too. What you might not know is that he is behind these paintings too:
If you can’t tell already - Edward paints in the overlap of two strong themes: 1) City Life and 2) Loneliness. I don’t know what Edward was going through when he made these paintings - but I know what it feels like to feel lonely in a big city.
When you have moved miles and miles away from home to create a life for yourself, it is easy to feel like you are on your own, in spite of the countless people around you that relate and deal with the exact same emotions that you are feeling with right now. This feeling is especially stronger if you haven’t physically moved away from your life but you feel lonelier because of the nature and predispositions of city life.
Your every waking moment goes into making yourself a better person or making sure you’re staying in touch with your friends. It’s either 1) Gym 2) Meditation 3) Work 4) Dinner 5) Sleep or 1) Work 2) Friends 3) Sadness on the weekends. There is nothing more heart breaking than the thought of the people that you thought were closest to you forgetting about you because their life has changed now, at least for now.
As someone who has moved across 4 countries to get to this point, I know a thing or two about loneliness and it’s simple: There is no such thing. \
Wow that sounds disingenuous, apathetic and straight up disrespectful, so what now?
As someone who has perpetually felt lonely, I have to tell you one thing: that the only person you actually need with you at all times is yourself. If you love yourself you’ll never feel lonely - yes you’ll miss your friends and your family, but you’ll never feel lonely. Loneliness, in the most simplest way that I’ve come to understand it, is the feeling of not being in the company of someone who makes you feel okay. THAT’S SO FUCKED UP IF YOU CAN’T MAKE YOURSELF FEEL OKAY POOKIE????
In light of the above discovery, I think of Edward’s paintings in a different light:
A man enjoying his own company after a long day at work
A man decompressing in the company of his partner, feeling that her presence is more than enough to calm him down
A Woman looking forward to a new day on which she can love herself
Two people choosing to allow each other into their personal spheres on their home because they chose each other’s company worthy enough to replace with their own.
If you feel lonely, it’s not because you aren’t around people, it’s because you are afraid of being alone. Try to figure out why that is and your life will make so much more sense.
The solution to most emotional problems lies in the work you have been avoiding, and I realize that now.
Go forth, do the work, let out a sigh, and remember who sent you.